A Telephone Isn't a Conventional Wedding Present
by Fourteen Hundred Hours
Summary: Yup, yet another part of the "When Things Go Too Far" series. It is time for the recently engaged couple to recieve their wedding presents! Daisy gets slightly confused


**Yet another part of the "When Things Go Too Far" series, in which the many residents of Downton are obliged to procure gifts for the recently engaged Dr Clarkson and Isobel. Enjoy!**

Generally, when Matthew Crawley was required to buy presents, he would ask his mother for help. Sadly though, he couldn't do that this time. It was his mother whom he was shopping for. He wandered around Ripon, desperately searching for something he could buy as a wedding present for his mother and Dr Clarkson. He just didn't know what to get. His general understanding was that it should be something of use to both of them…

He caught sight of something in a shop window. Yes- that would do, they'd like that. It was reasonably priced too. It was perfect.

. . . . .

"And so I would like you all to come up with ideas for presents. It must be something we can all contribute to." Mrs Hughes finished addressing the assembled servants, and looked round expectantly. To her relief Mr Carson nodded.

"An excellent idea indeed, Mrs Hughes. Any suggestions?"

Daisy tentatively raised a hand. "What… what about a pram?"

"Daisy!" Mrs Patmore exclaimed. "We can't get them _that _for a wedding present!"

"Why ever not?" Daisy wondered. "It wouldn't matter though, if she had another baby. I mean, she would be married and all."

"It's not that! It's…" Mrs Patmore couldn't bring herself to finish, not with everyone staring at her. "I'll tell you in the kitchen. Come on girl- those potatoes aren't going to peel themselves!" She shepherded Daisy away into the kitchen.

"Anyone else?" Mrs Hughes asked.

"I don't see why we 'ave to buy them a present." O'Brien spoke up from near the back of the group. Mrs Hughes looked shocked.

"But of course we must get a present!"

"I don't mind getting the good Doctor a present- it's just getting _her _a present I don't like."

"Watch your tone!" Mr Carson warned sharply. "You are speaking about-" He was cut off by Mrs Hughes.

"Well, if you don't want to participate in the collective present you can buy one on your own." She said, while giving a soothing glance towards Mr Carson.

"Fine. I'll get Thomas to help me." O'Brien didn't sound at all fazed. In fact, she sounded almost pleased.

"Right. Well I'm glad that's settled." Mrs Hughes made to leave. "And please do think of suggestions. Sensible ones."

. . . . .

"Well I've got an idea." Sybil eagerly launched into conversation as soon as her father had mentioned getting the soon to be Clarksons a present.

"Of course you have. You've probably be planning this for ages." Everyone ignored Edith's sarcastic tone.

"I thought maybe a couple of horses. I'm sure they would enjoy that." Mary suggested.

"No- you see, it's got to be something useful!" Sybil interjected forcefully.

"Sybil dear- Mary's suggestion is perfectly reasonable. Wedding presents don't always have to be useful." Cora tried to smooth the situation over.

"Why don't we give them a train ticket to one of the colonies? I'm sure the natives are in desperate need for medical attention." Violet looked repulsed at the very idea of buying Isobel a present.

"Mother- do try and be civil." Robert warned her. Violet snorted and returned to her dinner.

"I still don't see what's wrong with horses. They're a perfectly acceptable gift in other places." Mary continued to pursue her idea.

"Yes, but, don't you see- they'll want something practical." Sybil insisted.

"Why don't you tell us your idea if you're so sure of it?" Edith said.

Sybil smiled. "I can't believe none of you thought of this."

. . . . .

"I was in Ripon the other day, and I saw this book." Anna was talking to Mrs Hughes about wedding presents. "It was about that sport they both like- Volleyball or something."

"I'm sure that'd be lovely, but I was thinking of something a bit bigger." Mrs Hughes replied.

"Oh. Okay. I'll keep thinking then." Anna picked up a pile of laundry, and ran into Daisy who was rushing in to speak to Mrs Hughes.

"Daisy- shouldn't you be in the kitchen?"

"Yes, but I was thinking of presents, and I thought that a pram would be alright." Daisy twisted her fingers together.

"Daisy- did Mrs Patmore not explain?" Mrs Hughes asked, not unkindly.

"Yes, but… then I was thinking about that bit in the Bible, you know, where that old woman thinks she can't have kids but then God says she can and then she has a baby even though she was quite old."

Mrs Hughes sighed. "Daisy, I think you and Mrs Patmore need to have another talk."

. . . . .

"What exactly is that?" Mrs Hughes looked in bewilderment and concern at what lay on the table in front of her.

"It's a siren." Thomas explained, with a glance at O'Brien. After choosing a wedding present he'd come back to Downton with her, and was currently being given suspicious glances by Mr Carson, who was standing imposingly in the corner.

"But why ever would they want _that _for a wedding present?" Mrs Hughes couldn't understand why even Thomas and O'Brien would think that something so loud and ugly would make a nice present. Although maybe that was the idea.

"It's for the ambulance. So people will know when it's coming." Thomas continued, looking bored.

"Old Mrs Brydon nearly got run over last week, and Dr Clarkson said 'imself it would be a good idea if he had some kind of early warning system." O'Brien elaborated.

"But what will Isobel get out of it? It was supposed to be a present for both of them." Mrs Hughes didn't properly understand what the two were up to.

Thomas took out a cloth from his pocket and carefully folded it on top of the siren. "There. That's for Isobel."

"But- it's a cleaning rag." Mrs Hughes saw where this was going. Thomas looked at O'Brien. O'Brien looked at Mrs Hughes. Mrs Hughes looked at both of them expectantly.

"Exactly. It's a present for both of them. He can use it and she can clean it." Mrs Hughes gave an almost inaudible sigh of frustration at their answer.

. . . . .

The whole Crawley family gathered in the drawing room at Downton. Violet looked most displeased at having to be there, and kept on giving sideways glances over to where Dr Clarkson and Isobel sat. When everyone was finally seated Robert cleared his throat.

"Before we give you our presents-" He addressed this to Isobel and her Doctor, who smiled in acknowledgement, "I know some of the staff would like to present their gifts to you."

"Servants in the drawing room? Whatever next?" Violet was hushed by Sybil.

Mrs Hughes entered the room, accompanied by Mr Carson. She held out a bulky package first of all, smiling apologetically.

"This is from Miss O'Brien and Thomas. They thought it might be useful." Isobel slowly unwrapped it.

"How… lovely. What is it exactly?" Isobel looked slightly disappointed. Dr Clarkson however looked much more excited.

"It's a siren for my ambulance! You know, Branson almost ran over Mrs Brydon last week- nearly gave the poor woman a heart attack! Hopefully this will stop that happening again."

Mr Carson cleared his throat. "And this is from the rest of us below stairs." He held out a slim envelope. "It might be a bit more enjoyable than your other present."

"Tickets to the opera? Oh, how thoughtful. Please pass on our thanks to everyone." Isobel seemed much more pleased with the tickets. Clarkson looked more pleased with the siren.

"Ours now!" Sybil practically jumped out of her seat.

"Sybil dear, try to contain yourself." Cora gracefully rose from her chair and made her way over to the other side of the room. She motioned for Robert and Carson to carry the large box lying there over. They did, and both Isobel and Dr Clarkson held back laughs when they opened it. Inside the box lay a pair of telephones, brand new with a ribbon wrapped round each one.

"How did you think of this?" Isobel asked, at the same time that Clarkson asked "How did you know?"

"It was all Sybil's idea." Edith said, looking very much as if she wished they'd bought another present.

"I was talking to Mrs Hughes, and she mentioned that you were… a fan of modern communication." Sybil explained. Isobel smiled at her. Dr Clarkson smiled at Isobel.

"Matthew, what have you got?" Mary asked, noticing Matthew had remained very silent throughout.

"Oh. It's… I wasn't sure what you would like. I hope it's alright." He held out an unusually shaped package.

After it was unwrapped, the whole family looked in confusion at what was inside.

"Matthew dear, it's lovely, but what is it?" Isobel looked in wonder at the object in her hands.

"I think it's meant to be a swan." Dr Clarkson didn't look too sure of his suggestion.

"Well I think it's a duck. Look, the neck's far too short for it to be a swan." Edith craned her own neck to get a better view. Somewhere in the distance Violet muttered something about an abomination. One by one everyone turned to face Matthew with expectant expressions.

He was saved from having to explain by a large and unexpectedly shrill noise coming from Dr Clarkson's knees. He looked up sheepishly, having inadvertently switched the siren on. Sybil and Mary held back laughs, whereas Cora, Edith and Isobel looked shocked. Robert and Matthew both looked nobly perplexed. Over in the corner Violet spoke up.

"My dear Cora- you really need to have a word with that maid of yours."

**What did you think? I've recently decided I'm not a big fan of Isobel- hence the present from O'Brien and Thomas!**


End file.
